Prime by CL Kenyon – Featured Poem/Blog Posting at the DYSTENIUM Online Community

Prime

The nature of Love

Not, a rat to vivisect

Deconstruct

Study as a specimen

Mount in a Bell Jar

Steal me Love

To become your slave

Pluck out my eyes, that I may

Inhale deeply

Relinquish control

The rule, the guide, the compass

Hand over the key to the locked inner chamber

Lay down in the wing’s shadow

Strain an ear, hear a whisper,

At midnight

Receive healing, that I might, see truth shining

Amidst the thick, rank, crawling obscurity

Shake the foundations

Break up clots of hate and rage

Declare war on Avarice

Bless the open hand

Cast forth  seeds

Patience, kindness, forgiveness

Learn the limits of conditional,” Friendship,”

Strip away the filthy rags of self pity

Vomit the once sipped waters of biased acceptance

Stand at the edge of the world

Naked

Learn to Love, again and again and again…

CL Kenyon 3/24/2011

Carole writes:
I sing the praise of edits and rewrites,
Trimming the fat from the meat is, as any cook knows,
necessary to make a dish palatable.
How many great ideas have been lost in a wash of greasy, heavy, verbal drivel.
As a writer, falling in love with my own words becomes a siren song that continually lures me into
hazardous quicksand where impact and efficacy is swallowed whole.
What triggered this latest public display of edit affection?
Yesterday I posted a poem.
Here and on some other poetry group sites.
One gallant poet challenged some of my decisions, in the spirit of quality enhancement.
I welcome this type of critique
This of course is limited to grammar, punctuation, and slicing verbose rambles of self indulgent, corpulent word spew.
It does not extend to attacks on ones character due to content. For example, I would not have been as receptive if he had said,  ” Dear Ms. Kenyon you are an ignorant disgrace to the English language; or a statement alluding to the fact that I simply suck.
But we all could use with the touch of the verbal scalpel.
Welcome in matters of grammar, punctuation, word usage, redundancy and slicing verbose rambles of self indulgent, corpulent word spew.
The critique was to many commas and some extra, unnecessary words.
I salute my friends who have eyes to see, where I may not have focus.
I treasure this input. It makes me grow as a writer.
The critique was that I had employed the use of too many commas and incorporated some extra, unnecessary words. He was absolutely right!
Definite impact killers.
So with no further adieu,
Here is my post from yesterday edited. 😀
Your faithful poetic Guinea Pig..
CL Kenyon
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